Struggling in silence

Photo by Joice Kelly on Unsplash

If you know someone who’s struggling, see what you can do to just listen...without judgment.

You don’t have to fix or do anything, see if you can just hold space to hear what the other person is saying. You may know someone who’s struggling with a wide variety of things — burnout, caretaking, health challenges, exhaustion, sleep deprivation, etc.

Sometimes it’s challenging to be vulnerable because there is fear of judgement, fear of being seen as weak, and fear of not ‘having it all’ together. Let’s face it, no one is perfect and it’s a lot of pressure to live up to that expectation of perfection.

It can also be challenging to get out of our own stuff as well, so do the best that you can. Remember to see if you can show more compassion, within yourself and also with others.

So many times, for whatever reason, it’s challenging to be vulnerable and honest to tell colleagues and/or clients that you’re struggling. It’s not easy to be completely honest because others may judge you for not being able to do your job. Know that you’re a human going through human experiences. Trying to tell everyone you’re ok when you’re really struggling is a challenge in itself. And so often, the default is to say that ‘you’re fine’, ‘you’ll push through it,’ and ‘you just have to get on with it’ (for my UK colleagues).

Significant life events (ie. the pandemic) have an impact on work. Work is intertwined with life. So if you’re going through things that impact work. It’s normal to not always have the answers and/or know how to navigate, especially if you haven’t gone through similar situations previously.

I appreciate that not everyone can hold space for challenging and difficult sentiments. A conversation today made me reflect, if this is the case and the other person can’t handle your challenges, is that someone with whom you want to work with? Something to consider and really reflect upon.

If you know someone who is overwhelmed, do your best to acknowledge what they are experiencing without making them 'wrong.'

Sometimes when your mind is spinning out and you feel overwhelmed, you may not know what to do. Do your best to go back to your center through breathing, tapping, movement, writing, etc. and see if you can come back to your body.

Be kinder to yourself if you notice yourself becoming judgmental. Things are not perfect and no one else knows what you're going through except yourself. So if you have people telling you 'not to get upset' or similar sentiments, do your best to find peace within and accept all the parts that may feel uncomfortable. You are doing the best that you can with what you have. Remember that you know yourself the best.

If you know someone who's struggling, do your best to meet them where they are.

See if you can find a bridge - to connect with the other person in a way that's relevant and meaningful to them.

It can be challenging as you may be met with behaviours that aren't so easy to digest. A teacher of mine used to remind me that 'people are not their behaviours.' Sometimes when you're in a heightened state, ie. 'hangry,' exhausted, or overwhelmed, you may act differently than when you're calm and peaceful. Separating people from their behaviours may also not be easy if you're going through your own inner challenges and are getting triggered as well.

Getting support can be challenging if you're used to 'fixing things' by yourself, if you feel like you can't ask for help, perhaps you have been rejected when you've asked for help in the past, or you didn't have the security/foundation that needed growing up so you're not even sure what support looks like.

You're in a better place to help others once you've helped yourself first. Once you're in a more 'resourceful' state, it may be easier to see things in a different light to help those that you want to help.

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Thanks as always, for taking the time to read my articles.