Asking for help when you need it.

Jan 27

Do you ask for help?

“No — you can’t ask for help. What will people think??”

Does this thought often come up when you think about asking for help?

We don’t ask for the help that we need; it is too scary, so much that we stop ourselves before even trying to ask. We stop ourselves before even trying.

We have all the stories and reasons why we shouldn’t ask and put ourselves out there, as someone could ghost or reject us. And we know how ghosting or rejection feels like. We would rather not go through it and hide. It feels like too much pain and too many head games because we haven’t been taught how to really deal with it. We have likely learnt about the consequences through our own personal experiences and thus, associated pain with asking.

You don’t know how the other person is going to respond or what they may or may not say. You may also feel like you don’t have control over how they may or may not react. However, you do have control over how you react, even though it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.

And often, we make stories up in our heads as to why we shouldn’t ask and stop ourselves, aka self-sabotage.

Often, we don’t ask because it just seems easier that way. No awkwardness and no weird feelings. You can stay safe and all is good (sort of). Staying safe also means that we keep ourselves from growing and developing. What about the ‘what-ifs’ and the regret of not even trying to pursue your dreams? How does that feel?

One thing that I’ve noticed this week is how much people really do want to help, they just may not know how to help or what to do. Giving the other person guidance and being specific with your ask is so important to help the other person help you. There are people who really do want to help. Even if they can’t help you directly, just by putting yourself out there and asking, you are getting better every day and getting over your own fears to grow and get better.

Whatever happens, you are just getting feedback. Feedback is a way to grow and get better. Keep reminding yourself you are getting better and better.