Be More Present: Know What You’re Saying ‘Yes’ To
Do you consciously realize what you’re saying ‘yes’ to?
Do you know where your energy is going with every decision that you make (or don’t make?)
Sometimes, you say ‘yes’ without even thinking about it. Or you don’t say ‘no’ for whatever reason (ie. you’re unsure, afraid to say ‘no’, you don’t know what to do, etc.), which in essence means that you’re also saying ‘yes.’
It’s challenging to make decisions when you don’t have perfect information (which we all want to have). It’s also challenging to divide your energy in multiple different directions by not saying ‘no’ to the people, situations, and things that don’t align with your career goals.
In challenging times, it’s easy to be reactive to attain job security. Sometimes this means that you do things to please others which can create resentment within yourself and create inner turmoil.
There is a multitude of different scenarios that can happen within your job/career. In these situations, you may or may not be aware of what’s happening in the moment or even after it’s happened.
Here are a few different scenarios that may be relevant to reflect upon whether you’re in a job and have a part-time business, whether you are in a job and looking for opportunities to supplement your job, or whether you’re contemplating your life and career decisions.
Scenario #1: Attending on-site interviews
When a company asks you to interview on-site and does not offer you the upfront support to pay for your expenses, you don’t have to say ‘yes.’ Consider the expenses that are involved when you leave your place of residence that you don’t need to consider when you are at home. You need to consider transport, food, and accommodations to be able to get to your interviews or meetings.
These out-of-pocket expenses add up and you are responsible for them if the company does not pay for them upfront. If the company verbally agrees to pay for the expenses and then doesn’t respond to your requests for reimbursement in a timely manner, see what you can do to better protect yourself. Can you get them to pay for said expenses so that it’s not out of your own pocket?
If you’re going for an interview, consider the energy of what you want when the company invites you to come onsite without offering to pay for your expenses upfront. Is this something that you’re comfortable with?
Also, think about the time that you’re spending doing on-site interviews. If you are going through multiple interviews with rounds and rounds of people, how does that make you feel? Is this a company that you want to work for? Is this company committed to hiring and investing in the best talent? Take the time to intentionally reflect on the ‘signs’ that you’re seeing to see if they match up with your own values.
Scenario #2: Applying for grants
The same feeling/thinking applies when you’re applying for grants. Let’s say that you apply for a grant where you can have some expenses paid for by the grant. The situation is that you need to pay for these expenses out of pocket first and then you’ll be reimbursed, once you provide receipts and have spent the money. If the other party doesn’t give you the security of having said expenses reimbursed in a timely manner, then consider whether this is something you want to say ‘yes’ to. Is this energy that you want or don’t want?
Scenario #3 — Disclosing pay range
Consider what happens when a company does not disclose a pay range when asked. If the company keeps asking you for more and more interviews without disclosing pay information, ask yourself whether you want to keep proceeding. Is this something that you’re comfortable with? If not, what can you do to better align yourself with what you want? You can say ‘no’ and find other companies that better align with your values.
Here are 3 things that you can do to better check in and align with yourself:
Ask yourself better questions. Ask yourself questions that start with ‘how’ and see how that changes what comes up for you. How does this make me feel? How can I find a better solution? How does this align with my needs and expectations? How can I explore my options?
Ask for what you want without fear. Asking for what you truly want can create fear. You don’t want rejection and you may not want to deal with confrontation. This can create situations where you don’t want to ask for what you really want. Instead, you may be in situations that you don’t want because you’re too afraid to ask for what you truly want. Perhaps you’re scared that you won’t get what you want so you don’t ask. See if you can use these situations to face your fears. What happens if you get what you actually want by stating your needs in a clear and meaningful manner? How would that feel?
Take a step back and give yourself the space to respond on your terms. You don’t have to answer questions immediately. If you’re used to just saying ‘yes’ at every opportunity, consider a pattern interrupt where you ask for some time to reflect and get back to the other party with your response. Be intentional and take time to reflect on what you want and how you want to respond in situations. You can even do a visualization or role-play in your head, or practice with a friend to see how it feels to say what you want to say and focus on the result or the impact that you want to create.
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Thanks as always, for taking the time to read my articles.
